then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
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I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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