conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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