I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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