just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
