Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
