So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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