Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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