After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
