I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
