Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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