Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
