Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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