Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
