I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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