This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
