Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
