If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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