I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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