he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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