so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
zippers are such a cool invention
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
