i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
