I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
