You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
