I'm sorry my penis didn't work
honey bunches of taint.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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