New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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