oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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