even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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