I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
