Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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