I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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