we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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