Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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