Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
