Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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