Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
