you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
