After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
