I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
