so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
