I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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