ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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