giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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