the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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