singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
