he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
