When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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