I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
