If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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