I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize