Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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