i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
