you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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