I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I wear drunk well.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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