Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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