i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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