Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
