Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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