my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
farters have to be the big spoon...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
