are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
