I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
