I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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