All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
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